Since I've moved to Portsmouth I've really been blessed, partically with the people I've meet, From my housemates, to my coursemates and then my church friends. Church partically has been a massive blessing. Over summer partically I noticed just how many people I have around me, And this is a fantastic thing. Over the past year though (please bear in mind these people have always been a blessing and I dont regret meeting any of them) I have just put too much of my happiness in them. The challenge in my life from now on is. If it was just me and God in exsistance would I still be happy? and I want the answer to be yes.
It's horible to think yourself as being mistrustful, But everyone is human but everyone can let people down, No matter how much you care about them. I know that I at some point even if its been a small thing have probely let everyone I love down at some point. I am aware I may be starting to sound bitter, By no means. We are all God's children and brothers and sisters and should love each other.
But can you imadgen having so much of God in your life, no matter who let you down you would feel okay, in fact still joyful. I am my own worse enermy and most of the grief I have in life is self made, and in this case when you get let down I find it so hard to cope and because I know God's love for me and how in control he is, I end up getting more worked up because I feel like I'm just not trusting.
My prayer tonight is Less of you, Less of me, More of God and it is such a strugle but I have no doubt that if I can do it (and I will) how amazing my life will be.
A few weeks ago I made a prayer in my prayer diary which went along the lines of "Lord, I have so many blessings, and everything good comes from you, and if you want take them, take anything you wish from my life, do as you will" and God did, since then I havent stoped wingeing, I suddenly got a feeling of being lost and not knowing where I was going or what I wasnt ment to do. This week I have realised the problem is I let God in, I asked him to do what he did, but then I didn't cling onto him. Like I jumped of a building whilst holding his hand, then paniced and let go of his hand when really all I needed was his hand. When God answered my prayer I kind of forgot the meaning behind my prayer.
It's now time to remember why I wanted this, and to put it into action. My heart everyday increases with the will to seek and reflect my Lord and savour. And I can't wait to see Jesus face to face.
I challenge any reader to make that jump with God, Give everything over to him, Every hurt, Every Feeling and Every blessing and let him do as he wills, let the only thing you hold onto be him, Be willing to give up everything. Keep hold of his hand the whole way. Then you will start to see how amazing and trust worthy your Father is. How he will be your light. How he is really all you need.
Philippians 3:8
What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ.
Thats all I have.. I always feel like I only make sence to myself and then I dont really make sence to myself anyway.. I pray I do.
on a lighter note.. I'm going to London tomorrow to take photos and stetches of medical stuffs.. exciting times.
Godbless
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